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Class parasitus-billfoldius

The Fat New Leech: The Post Conviction Attorney

By Dave Perk, Prisoner of War in America


There is a real bloodsucker attached like a lamprey to the criminal justice man-eater. It's a whole new species spawned by the 1987 U.S. Sentencing Guidelines and its name is the Post Conviction Specialist. Whatever you do when you see the words post conviction specialist, get out of the water fast!

These particular charlatans prey on people shell shocked after getting one of these nifty new law sentences. The system of criminal justice in this country subscribes to the Heinrich Himmler rule of thumb: punishment must equate to the liquidation of a person, his family and, of course, his assets. Enter the post conviction specialist to suck up the scraps and who will-for a hefty fee-look into your case and then usually tell you all the ways you can win within a system so stacked against a defendant it might be laughable were it not so tragic. You mean the cop didn't read you the Miranda Warning? He had his name tag on upside down? He called you a nasty name? Maybe there's something here, so gimme four grand and we'll look into it. One of the ploys the P.C. attorney uses is to issue flyers with current cases, the very few defendant favorable cases recently published. It's like trawling with a long line, all hooks baited. Up swim the fish, trying to stretch a case over the boulder of his particular circumstance and they commit the fatal fiscal error of contacting the post conviction specialist. Most people would be better off by far hiring a regular attorney to file their appeal or even a Circle K clerk. If somewhat clued into the law, they ought to do it themselves: no one knows your case like you do and no one else cares like you do. Fact is, sportsfans, you aren't getting much play in this rigged mess anyway, not unless the violations in your case are so egregious that they embarrass the court. It takes a lot to embarrass the court because without exception courts in our country are following the drug war agenda and every violation possible is a harmless error technicality: the drug war exception to the Bill of Rights.

Another favorite ploy of the parasitus-billfoldius is to contact your family members when you aren't looking and ask for another two grand. They have been known to call your little brother's school to con him out of his lunch money. It is my experience that any competent-and let me stress the word competent -- jailhouse lawyer can carry an argument better than any post conviction specialist who is not focused on your case, but on the next guy's wallet, your money already having been safely stashed on Wall Street. More likely, some paralegal in her office has done the work, which she might never even see or approve. These people can really shine you on, make no mistake. We have seen these so called specialists do some of the shoddiest legal work imaginable and pull some of the biggest rip offs. Don't let it happen to you and don't fall for their phony advertising. If you have half a brain, you can delve into the Sentencing Guidelines yourselves and if you can't, then find yourself a good jailhouse lawyer. He might just turn out a lot more special than these pettifogging tricksters. Jailhouse lawyers work for peanuts, too, and you can send the rest of that money to your family where it's needed most.

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